how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
