so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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