he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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