I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
