LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
