If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
