i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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