Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
