Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
