You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
