Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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