i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize