Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
