mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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