We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i think my cat just said my name.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
