there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
