Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
