Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
