i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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