My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
