So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize