You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
