At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
