Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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