So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
