Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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