People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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