It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
