we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
