He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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