I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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