Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
