My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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