I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
