I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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