Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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