We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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