I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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