there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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