I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize