he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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