i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
