Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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