Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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