I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
