just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You are the jesus of drinking
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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