I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
