Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
