So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
