A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
