Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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