bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
