Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
