I didn't shave. On purpose
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
