Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
