The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I need to align my fucking chakras
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
