I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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