There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
