the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Two words: blizzard sex
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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