I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
and you fell through a lawn chair
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
