By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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