The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
