i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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