Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
