Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
