I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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