I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
