yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
