Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
they need to just BURY HIM!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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