last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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